I have to make a promise to myself: this is the fourth time I’ve thrown out 90% of the work done on the Graymont project and decided to start over and I will NOT do it again! Years of research, concepting, and working on it has lead me disturbingly back full circle almost to where I first started on the project. From animated collage, to live action to full 3D animation and back again. This is one project that has made the rounds.
Part of the reason I feel I’ve been doing this “over study” is it just seemed too big. Roughly thirty minutes of animation for someone who has never approached even a live action piece over fifteen. With me spending what would be an enormousness amount of time, no matter the direction I took on it, I thought I’d have to have something “impressive” to show in the end.
I kept choosing an angle of attack on the project, trying to find an increasingly “easier and faster” way to do the task and still come out on top only to now come away frustrated and willing to give in to its overwhelming size and weight and instead of conquering it, become embraced by it. Less a hunter on safari, and more an inhabitant of it’s vast possibilities.
In the end I learned quite a few things about myself, my process, and different techniques, but I am ready to make amends and just “do it,” “get it over,” and let the thinking, planning, concepting, reworking part be done since it was draining all the life and inspiration out of the project and leaving it a hollow husk of mere mental and and visual craft, as brittle and weak as the last decaying winter leafs and far less dimensional.
So now I’m almost back where I started. Yes wiser, more skilled, and experienced, but most of all now humble to the ever present beating of time and the force that is as much a stimulus of the creative process as it’s a destroyer: the artist’s ego.